My Relationship

In a million years I never would've thought that I would be engaged at the age of 19 :) And I never pictured that I would ever be able to do a long distance relationship. But here I am. And boy is it hard.

Last night Michael mentioned how if I was with him then he would take me with him to his friends house. And we could do normal couple things. And it was then that it dawned on me, that we'll never really get to experience that. And it made me really really sad. I think this relationship is really taking a toll on me. The emotional rollercoaster would be hard on anyone. I think I've cried more the past 4 months then I ever, ever had before. When I'm with him I'm happier than I've ever been in my entire life. Because everything feels completely right. But when he leaves, it feels like I'm being ripped apart. It amazes me how much I've already begun to rely on him. I really wish we could get married sooner, because the sooner we get married the sooner we get to be together all the time. It's a hard realization to know that you really don't get to be with the man you love until the day you get married. It feels like in someways we're missing out on the fun dating part. And well perhaps we are, but in other ways I know our relationship is going to be stronger because of this. It forces us to communicate with each other. And be more understanding. And frankly no one would endure this long distance torture unless they absolutely loved each other. And boy do I love him and I know he loves me :) And that is what makes all this worth it!!

Thanksgiving!!

So last week was Thanksgiving. Wednesday morning I was so anxious and excited I could hardly stand it.

MY FAMILY WAS COMING!!!

I tried to think of anything I could do to pass the time, so I curled my hair lol.

I saw them drive up outside my window and without thinking I just ran out to the car and to them. All of a sudden I just felt this euphoric happiness. I really, really, really love my family. It wasn't until after I said hello that I realized I had locked my keys in my room. And I was now locked out of my building. Lucky for me my roommate Brittany hadn't left yet. So I started throwing pinecones at the window. She didn't respond. So finally I ran to the back of the building and banged on our back door. Lucky for me Brittany answered and it all turned out well. :)

Next time I think I'll remember my keys.

Then I took my family to Cafe Rio, my favorite place ever, and they loved it just as much as I did :)

Then we all went to Allyse's Bridal. I had tried dresses on before and had pretty much decided on one. But then as I'm walking up to the store I notice one in the window that I didn't notice before. It had everything that I wanted. So after I find my consultant I remind her of the one I really liked before and ask her to grab that one for me to try on, and then I ask if I could try that one on too. I put on the one I liked before on first, and my family loved it. But then I put on the other one and walked out, and it was amazing :) It looked like everything I ever dreamed of. And my mom LOVED it!! So right then and there I fell in love with my dress. My dad took lots of pictures and lots of video, we of course have to remember this momentous occasion!!

I then tried on tiara's and veils. And my mom and I decided on a tiara and a veil :) This was a very exciting moment in my life....the only person missing was Michael. But he of course couldn't see me in the dress, not until May 22nd.

My parents buy me the dress and then we finally get ready to drive to Salt Lake. Michael's plane gets in at 7. And it's only 4:30. I have to find something to do for 2 hours. At first it's easy, I help my grandma and hang out with my sister. And then we eat dinner. After that, there is still a half hour to wait. So I start wandering around the house. And then I keep staring at the clock, and boy was it a long half hour. Normally I have the internet to help me waste time :)

Finally it's time for me to leave. And when I arrive, I call Michael. And he's like oh I don't have my bag yet. So I sit at the passenger pickup for awhile. And then he's like look to the right. And when I look to the right I don't see anything, nothing at all. So I'm about to get mad at him in the phone and as I turn to the left there he is. He wanted to surprise me :) I was very very excited to see him. I jumped out of the car and ran to him. I love it when I'm with him!!! All at once I felt incredibly happy and everything just felt completely and perfectly right.

The weekend really was perfect. I had my family and Michael. And honestly I don't think life could've gotten much better. I LOVED Thanksgiving weekend :)

The Visit

So...this weekend was GREAT!!! Michael flew up Friday night. I had it all planned out and was so excited to be there and pick him up right on time. But there was an accident on the freeway and I was late...I felt horrible, but he was such a good sport about it. That night I made him dinner, and then we watched a movie together :) It was a really nice evening where we just got to relax and love the time we got to spend together. The next day we got up WAY early 5:45 am. So basically I ended up getting 2 hours of sleep that night. But it was definitely worth it because we went to the temple, and it was so great to get to be there and do baptisms with him right next to me. I could tell you everything we did....but well its a lot. But I'll tell you a few funny stories. We were at the dollar store. Michael tags me and says "Your it," and obviously I can't not play. So I take off after him down the aisle. He turns and zigzags and I'm wearing these incredibly furry big boots that are practically impossible to run in and I lose him. I spend 10 minutes wandering around the store trying to find him. When I'm at the back of the store I hear this over the loud speaker "Taylor Allen, please come to the front of the store, Taylor Allen." Michael had told the manager that he had lost his daughter in the store and if he could just announce her name over the loud speaker she would come. By the time I get up there he is long gone. So I just looked at the cashier and was like....I hate him. (I don't though....I actually am insanely in love with him.) And then I find him at the back of the store laughing hysterically. I do have to admit it was a good one. All I have to say is that every minute with him is an adventure and there is never a dull moment. And I LOVE it! Today was seriously wonderful though we just had a very nice relaxing Sunday. Kind of gave us an idea of what it would be like just relaxing and spending time together when we're married :) I can't wait till that day. Saying goodbye to him at the airport wasn't nearly as hard as normal. I think it's because I get to see him again in approximately 9 days. So only a week and a half. And that is nothing compared to the other times we have spend apart. I am extremely happy :)

The Engagement

I'm engaged!!! I guess I'm writing this entry a little late since it happened a little while ago. But here's how it happened :) I was getting ready to fly down to Mesa to be with Michael on Wednesday night, and I was leaving Thursday. Brittany (my roommate) had talked me into helping her with her psychology experiment a few days before and I agreed. Me, Kelsey, and Ashley all piled into the back of McKenna's car with Brittany directing us all. She made us do the weirdest things like find a brick wall and figure out where you are-all blindfolded. lol. Then finally they drive around forever and I start feeling really carsick. Finally we stop. And they're like ok almost done. And they take me on this really long walk blindfolded. Then they stop. Brittany turns to me and says "Taylor I'm going to take off your blindfold and I want you to look straight ahead." At that point I knew something was kind of fishy. But as they took off my blindfold I see Michael a little ways in front of me down on one knee with the ring open. I was in such shock (since I thought he was in Mesa and everything) that I looked at him and was like "What are you doing here?" (obviously I knew what he was doing there). I stood there for a long time and finally he says "come here :)" So I start off slowly at first and then run to him. And he asked me to marry him...and I said YES!!! After that he took me to this restaurant Ottavio's which is an Italian Restaurant (Italian is my favorite). There were rose petals all over the table and a picture of us and a dozen roses in a vase. It was incredible. After that he took me to my apartment. There were rose petals all over the kitchen and candles lit everywhere. On the T.V. there was a slideshow of us that he had made and on the table was A picture frame with the Mesa temple in the middle (where we're getting married) and pictures of us all around it. Also on the table was chocolate chip cookie dough cheesecake. It was amazingly delicious. Basically it was the best night of my life so far. I'm so incredibly happy....and I'm marrying the most amazing man....He is everything I have ever wished for and more...so much more :)

Interesting...

I am officially halfway through my semester now. Its weird to think that I've been here for over a month and a half. I love it here at BYU :) What is interesting to me is that now that I've been here for awhile when I talk to people from home I am shocked by what they tell me. In some ways I feel like I am in a bubble here at BYU. I love it because it is easier to find those who believe and live what they believe the same way I do. But at the same time I wonder am I letting my guard down? I guess it's important to remember to keep the armor.

I really love my boyfriend btw. And I know he's reading it right now. But just so he knows- Michael you are everything to me :) And I cannot wait to be married to you, and get to be with you every single day. That is sooo exciting...I love you so much.

College Life

Well...at times I feel completely overwhelmed, especially lately. Whats crazy to me is that 3 days ago I would've told you that college is a piece of cake and everyone lied to you when they said it was hard. And truthfully for me college isn't that difficult. But I definitely think thats because of the classes I'm taking they're all classes that I enjoy being at and its very easy to do the reading and assignments and stay caught up in them. But if you throw on top of college church callings and a boyfriend (whom I love tons and tons)....well then it gets slightly harder to balance time, and then if you think about it all at the same time you feel completely overwhelmed. But luckily one thing I've learned since like 1st grade when I gave myself ulcers...its that you just take it one day and one step at a time and you will succeed. And well thats what I'm counting on. I know I can do whatever is thrown my way :)
I'm planning on doing some volunteer work at the Provo Library and the plan is to read with elementary school kids. And I am sooo excited for that :) For my writing class 20 hours of service is required and then you write a paper on it. But what I'm hoping for is that I will get the 20 hours completed but then I can keep going and keep volunteering so I can feel like I am contributing to the community and of course so I can have tons of fun playing and reading with kids :) Its strange because I've only been at BYU for a little over a week and I already feel myself changing. I feel more mature and capable, and at the same time...because of the change of environment, I feel like I can be myself more. And I love that I can do and say what I believe and no one questions or things less of me for it...because here at BYU they just understand :)

BYU

Well..I'm at BYU!!! And it is honestly amazing :) The whole atmosphere is different than anything else I have ever experienced. The girls walk around clothed...the boys are gentlemen. Its just....well...different in a great way!! Two days ago it was pouring down rain so me and my roommates with some boys from the dorm next door went outside and was running and dancing in the rain. But then we had this great idea to use this hill right in front of our dorm and use it like a giant slip and slide. It was amazing!! We all slid down that hill right on our bellies and had grass stains everywhere. And then we went inside and drank lots of hot chocolate. It was some of the most spontaneous fun I have had in awhile...and I LOVED it. My roommates are SOOO much fun!! We hang out all the time and I consider them some of my best friends already. We've gotten really close...and I love it.

Yesterday when I was talking to my little brother...randomly during our conversation he was like "Taylor, I really miss you". And he just started bawling. And it made me really sad. Because I realized that I will probably never live at home again. I'll see my family at Thanksgiving, Christmas, and probably summer...but in comparison to a whole year that is hardly anytime at all. But even with thinking about all of that...I still feel so ready to be on my own. And I know that here at BYU is where I'm supposed to be. It just feels right...and I feel extremely blessed to have this great opportunity :)

Jekyll and Hyde

There was an interesting editorial in the newspaper today. Speaking about the cast of Jekyll and Hyde and how it is a High School musical. But that seems strange to me....considering well...Jekyll isn't in High School. Udderson isn't in High School. Emma isn't in High School. 5 out of the 7 girls of the night aren't in high school. The Bishop isn't. Only two members of the Board of Governors are. Stride isn't in High School. The majority of the ensemble is not in high School. I think the only reason she's mad is because I am in High School. And I'm the one who got the part that she wanted. I honestly wish she would've just stated that instead of trying to tear down the whole show. I mean she already said in the article that I was 18 years old and who could ever imagine an 18 year old trying to seduce an older man....ya she's right that never happens...:S Not to mention I can sing the parts well. And not to mention I work my butt off in everthing that I do. I think what it comes down to is not the fact that the show is a high school musical, but that the person writing the article did in fact not get in the show and is bitter....what's behind the facade, right? :)

But as far as the show is going...it's incredible. We've accomplished so much in just a week. And I'm seriously sooo excited. The cast is amazing and talented. They all are so supportive and we seem to all get along. What's strange is I never imagined to connect so well to a character like Lucy Harris. But I'm already beginning to understand her, to understand her lifestyle, and to understand what she so desperately wants. I understand that yes she is a prostitute, but I want to bring so much more depth to her. She too has feelings, has hopes, has dreams- circumstances just wouldn't let her obtain them. But then she meets Dr. Jekyll and "bam" something begins to change within her. I want to depict that. Even though she is not an innocent woman by any means I want to bring innocence to the Lucy-Dr. Jekyll relationship and bring horror to the Lucy-Hyde relationship. I want to do more than just sing the songs I want to sing with power, but act with truth.

This past week

So I just decided to start my own blog. Perhaps write down what's new and exciting that's been going on, and yet at the same time, have a place to jot down frustrations and observations that I may have.
I just got back from SanFrancisco on a band/gold voice trip. It was a very LONG bus ride and we really weren't even there that long. But I really enjoyed getting to know some people better. But what I found out is that people that I already thought I knew I actually knew nothing about....and that was strange. Because certain people I usually really enjoyed being around I all of a sudden could not stand. And I realized how shallow, immature, and inconsiderate they were to other people. And so that caused me to think....perhaps I need new friends. But at this point I'm going to college so I guess I just don't really care anymore.
A really exciting happened on Thursday though. I found out that I get to play Lucy Harris in "Jekyll and Hyde" and I am sooo excited. I worked sooo hard for that audition. I swear I was listening to the songs nonstop for the past month. So I knew my audition song completely by heart. I don't think I have ever felt so prepared for an audition, or quite so excited. I was standing next to Mason and Livi at the same time and we all found out we got in. So we started jumping up and down and Livi and I were singing Bring on the Men. Basically we were sooo excited we couldn't even stand it.
I do keep hearing rumors that I knew that I was going to be Lucy or something. So if anyone reads this I'd like to put a stop to them now. I had to audition just like everyone else. I had no idea if I would make this show or not. The only thing Fred ever said to me was that he hoped I was auditioning. So seriously some people need to get lives and stop spreading ridiculous rumors. And if u hear something....perhaps you should ask people involved instead of just telling someone else. Just some advice ;)
Another exciting thing happened on Friday. Gold Voices took FIRST in our jazz division at the Heritage Festival. We also received a Gold rating...which only 3 groups got :) Kyle Gemberling got an outstanding soloist award which was very exciting. He honestly deserved it. He did a great job on the song Brazilia. It definately would not have been as good without him :)
One bad thing that happened is that I am terribly sick. I've had a fever, a sore throat, a cough, a headache/migraine, and a stomach ache. I don't think I've ever felt so badly in my life. There were times I felt like perhaps I was just gonna pass out. Luckily I am getting better....so by next week I should be like new.
I love all the doors that are opening for me. I feel like I can honestly do anything at this point in my life. And it's all so exciting....:D